Certified EFT / ACP-EFT Practitioner & Certified Imago Relationship Therapist
Join us for our monthly EFT-Tapping series where we learn self care & stress reduction techniques and gain insights into simple methods of enhancing our enjoyment of daily life on Thursday, September 22, 2022 @ 6pm-7:30pm Open to the community and presented by Aviva Chansky Guttmann, LMSW, CIRT, EFT Practitioner.
(by Aviva Chansky Guttmann, LMSW) There is an increasing shift toward looking inward and finding ways to self soothe in our chaotic world. Self-care is invaluable in helping us to internally recalibrate in a challenging world ― a world that sends us incessant messages that we should not take the time to care for ourselves. Energy psychology practices can play a key role in returning to a state of energetic balance. Developing and maintaining self-regulating practices encourages us to find ways to disconnect and intentionally to return to these practices. Here are some ideas that can help you develop a self-care routine ― or change the routine you already have.
Two key components operate in creating a self-care and self-development routine. One is finding a way to disconnect from the distraction, noise and intrusiveness of the outside world in a way that works for us individually.
I myself gravitate to nature. Once immersed in the flow of walking or biking in nature my chattering mind slows down and allows for peace and the reset I need. Exercise also encourages endorphin release, which increases the sense of calm. Discovering what is unique to us takes experimentation and openness.
The second component (which can also be a challenge) is finding opportunities to return to these practices with intention, especially in circumstances when we are least able to find a quiet space in our physical environment. How can we do this?
In practices such as EFT and meditation, for example, we can learn a reminder phrase or grounding technique to stabilize our nervous system. It is absolutely an inside job in most cases, which is invaluable, because we are the person most available to us. We learn to self-regulate by using our reminder phrases or grounding techniques. This empowers us, allowing us to learn to count on ourselves rather than turning to a friend, practitioner, or guru.
As practitioners focused on energy modalities we have put our faith in a reality below the surface of what we see in the 3D world. The difficulty arises when trying to help someone who bases their belief system solely in the external world of tangible and measurable reality.
One effective way I’ve discovered to help people with a strictly concrete focus is using the analogy about how invisible things are scientifically validated. Taking the example of a virus and its tenacity to multiply which we cannot see with the naked eye but know exists and comparing it with the way energy waxes and wanes and transitions within our bodies, it is possible to help someone visualize how energy vacillates.
Practicing the self-care techniques that resonate with me has offered me solace and calm when stepping away from my cognitively focused brain. In generations past, much of this was encompassed (and still is) by the concept of prayer. However the comfort of prayer can also expand to non-religiously based areas including meditation, immersion in nature, music, yoga and sound bathing, to name only a few.
Self-care is a necessary part of life if we are to fully enjoy and participate in the world and the relationships around us. We cannot operate from a worn down and depleted vessel, although many of us try. Cultural messages to multitask and push beyond our energetic reserves are aspects to be mindful of and cautious about. When we act without awareness about how much we are offering others, how little rest we have allowed ourselves or quality nutrition we’ve absorbed, our bodies will alert us with fatigue and lethargy. Mindfulness and restoration practices are crucial for returning us to a renewed baseline.
Some people believe they don’t deserve their own care-giving and even if not consciously aware of this, their over-giving and care-giving of others takes a significant toll on them. I believe the primary reason for overlooking self-care relates to feeling undeserving, combined with our society’s emphasis that staying busy and productive holds inherent virtue. We carry an ancestral imperative from our diverse cultural backgrounds that reinforced this for generations.
As we’ve evolved, we remain a highly productive and creative society with a wealth of energy restoration practices to share and utilize to enhance our lives. We can be both industrious AND self nourishing! We can also examine any limiting beliefs standing in the way of using our energy psychology tools.
You can learn body-based energy psychology tools that you can add to your self-care toolkit here. If you would like to learn more about energy psychology and get CEU’s, sign up here.
Author
Aviva Chansky Guttmann, LMSW, is an Advanced Certified Imago Relationship Therapist with over 25 years experience. She specializes in couples work, chronic and terminal illness, caregiver stress, special needs parenting concerns, and adoption issues. Aviva has trained in EFT and CEP 1 and 2 with ACEP, and is an ACEP member. She has a private practice in the Hudson Valley and also works online. Learn more here.
Photo by Michael Krahn on Unsplash
Posted by Aviva Chansky Guttmann, LMSW, CIRT on May 4, 2021
When we hear the term trauma, we often think of it largely and imagine worldwide occurrences such as earthquakes, tsunamis, and terrorist acts. However, trauma can also be more subtle, individualized, and affect us in smaller (yet no less disruptive) ways.
With regard to human interaction, the way we approach our closest relationships can be a result of accumulated regular challenges (known as “small t” traumas) in our formative years. How we survived and dealt with these challenges sets the groundwork for how we relate to those around us later in life.
During the romantic attraction phase of a relationship, all of our senses are heightened. Every aspect of life spanning from our innermost thoughts to our outermost experience is imbued with a wonderful easeful glow.
Our minds inspire such vitality while also encouraging us to select a partner who will help us re-experience past pleasure and pain and whose connection with us will provide growth opportunities. It speaks to the fascinating skillset of our unconscious mind that we aim toward this healing potential even when distracted by euphoria.
In Imago Therapy, we believe we select partners based on our unconscious templates of what love looks like, called our “Imago.” In other words, we are scanning the landscape for a match that will allow us to grow, but that growth will require some effort and pain.
Why specifically pain? Think for a moment about physical pain. It alerts us to pay attention to its source. If we ignore it, it may initially fade only to return with a vengeance. If we don’t take care of it, pain increases and can impair how we function in many areas of our lives.
Almost any charged part of our present interaction can bring us back immediately to pain from early life originating with our caregivers.
Pain communicates with us (if we can listen) and signals areas of our self-concept and adaptation skills that need support and healing. A conscious relationship encourages partners to be attuned to what in-the-moment behaviors spark a sense of danger in their partner and learn to handle that with care.
Many couples, before developing Imago attunement skills, continually evoke and re-evoke trauma within their relationship. As a result, the relationship itself can feel confusingly turbulent or, on the opposite end, lifeless.
“How can I be in a committed relationship but always feel the need to protect myself?” we may wonder. The answer is below awareness. We react the only way we learned how by either retreating, fighting, or becoming emotionally numb – these are our fight, flight, and freeze responses that our body remembers.
Until we begin to examine the source of the feeling of danger we are experiencing and the need to protect ourselves, these distancing patterns will repeat. Ultimately, we are left to feel alone and unloved in even our closest relationships.
Each step of the dialogue process has a healing aspect of creating new ways of relating, so past pain is acknowledged, addressed, handled with care, and the healing process can begin in the relationship. The relationship itself becomes a living and breathing repair and growth experience. As an Imago clinician, it is very powerful to witness and encourage this growth transformation.
Sadly, unless there is physical evidence of trauma (as in bodily injuries), most of us cannot begin to understand what lurks below the surface for our loved ones, especially emotionally. Reactive and defensive behaviors are learned and become habitual ways of relating because earlier in life, they ensured survival.
It’s essential for couples working through trauma to have a place that is safe and structured to learn and develop containment boundaries. In other words, remaining mindful and aware of what triggers traumatic memories in yourself and your partner. Within this safe and predictable space, partners can be vulnerable while embracing the crucial relationship skills of active listening, validation, and empathic understanding.
Traumatic triggering can be reduced when partners open their hearts to one another. Once you’ve developed these new skills together, you’ll create inroads to a compassionate connection with healing pathways to a much kinder and loving partnership.
If you are struggling with trauma in your relationship, we are here to help. Check out our Imago Relationships Workshops and Therapy today! We also have Online Couples Therapy and Online Couples Workshops right now!
Discover more about Imago with our Imago Professional Membership, Imago Professional Facilitators, Imago Professional Training, and Imago Educational Webinars.
This blog post was written by Aviva Chansky Guttmann, LMSW, CIRT, an Advanced Imago Clinician and Safe Conversations Facilitator practicing in the Mid Hudson Valley, in New York.
Her background includes several areas of practice including medical social work, energy psychology, sex therapy, and EFT ( Emotional Freedom Technique-tapping).
Aviva facilitates and launched the Red Hook Holistic Practitioners‘ Support and Connection Group and an Empath Support Group. She offers educational workshops about Imago and Safe Conversations to community groups and teaches safe dialoguing techniques in adult continuing education settings. Check out her website today!
Topics: Anxiety, Couples Therapy, Self Love, therapy, Trauma, Childhood Trauma, Healing Trauma, Mental Health Awareness, Depression, Healing, Mental Health Matters, Trauma Recovery, PTSD, Trauma Healing, What Happened To You, Chronic Trauma, Trauma Informed, Healing From Trauma, Complex Trauma, Acute Trauma, CPTSD, Trauma Therapy
April 22, 2021 by
(by Aviva Chansky Guttmann, LMSW) With spring’s arrival this year, we may experience an array of contradictory emotions about the immediate future. Global hopes about the efficacy of COVID vaccines bring the tentative yet welcome promise of more freedom to gather with loved ones and celebrate life. Under non-pandemic reality, spring is associated with the colloquial “spring fever.” We are suddenly ebullient from the long-awaited contrast to winter, basking in the sunshine on our faces and relishing warm days where we can take off those extra layers of clothing and smell the scent of blossoming flowers.
In our new post-COVID-social-isolation world, spring fever could actually feel risky and dangerous, as we are understandably tentative and confused about our reality and surroundings. We may struggle with mixed emotions and our energy system may be equally confused as it constantly scans our environment for safety. When signs of safety are ambiguous, we second-guess ourselves. A virus and its ability to affect us are invisible and so much of how we determine safety now requires a leap of faith and trust in the information we receive from our leadership and scientific communities. Our senses are not necessarily finding the reassurance we need. Our energy is not finding its alignment.
Energy is the foundational component of life. The Law of Conservation states that energy can be converted in form, but not created or destroyed. Energy moves continually from one form to another and much of it is intangible and invisible. We see the results of energy transmission in our electronics and machinery that depend on it, but in many situations we must imagine, envision, and trust that the ever-constant exchange from one energetic state to another exists.
When we discuss EFT/ tapping, for example, we are asked to imagine a blockage in the energy pathways obstructing freely flowing Chi (life force) and understand the intention of EFT is to unblock these obstructions through administering tapping sequences along the meridian points (energy center pathways) exiting our bodies.
We can think of emotions, also invisible, as energy in motion. Just as energy transmutes, so do emotions ― and they often do so without our conscious intention. Within minutes, we can experience joy or delight, fear or aversion, sadness or grief, and any other nuanced shades of feeling along the continuum. As we envision our post-isolation lives, we struggle for energetic alignment as our senses are not necessarily finding the reassurance we need.
As practitioners of energy psychology, we can approach this lack of clarity through practicing mindfulness and keeping our intention for healing and wholeness in awareness. “Where intention goes energy flows,” as author James Redfield states. Similarly, if using EFT, we may consider a setup statement akin to “Even though I am confused and anxious about the new reality and the safety of venturing out post-COVID, and although I’ve had my vaccines, I deeply and completely accept myself and hope to feel more secure in the safety of the world.” How would we rate the SUDS on this? We can start wherever we are and work with our energy systems to address ambiguity.
Feeling uncertain in uncertain times is normal and adaptive. The world continues to go through rapid and overwhelming changes. Emerging from enforced social isolation and safety precautions and the emotional adjustments of doing so has been a strain. We must restore and refresh ourselves at whatever pace we can manage. Fortunately, we have many energy psychology tools available to us.
Want to expand your toolkit with some simple, self-help videos that you and your clients can use to create calm and resilience? Visit ACEP’s free Resources for Resilience.
Author
Aviva Chansky Guttmann, LMSW, is an advanced Certified Imago Relationship Therapist with over 25 years experience counseling couples, individuals and families who experience challenges ranging from marital conflict, sexual and emotional intimacy, chronic and terminal illness, caregiver stress, special needs, parenting concerns, adoptees’ identity concerns, and other areas of suffering and difficulty. Aviva has trained in Emotional Freedom Techniques and Comprehensive Energy Psychology with ACEP. An ACEP member, she is based in the Hudson Valley in New York State
At face value, there is no greater mystery and irony than being with another person in an intimate relationship and feeling completely alone.
A large part of feeling lonely in relationships relates to cultural, commercial, and advertising messages. We are told through greeting card companies, popular music, romanticism about weddings and couples’ resorts, classic literature, and more than being a couple is the highest relational goal.
